Friday, March 27, 2015

How The Taliban Swap Really Came About

With the breaking news of Bowe Bergdahl being officially charged with desertion on Wed. March 25, 2015,  Tales would like to do this repeat exclusive post of how the Taliban swap really came about.
This Tales exclusive is a repeat post from June 12, 2014 entitled: 

"How the Taliban Swap Really Came About"

The Tales investigative firm of Wie, Cheatem, and Howe have come up with an exclusive yet to be heard tape of the negotiations that took place between our brilliant president Barack Hussein Obama and the Taliban.  I believe after you finally hear what really went on behind the scenes you just might gain a better appreciation of the negotiation skills of our commander-in-chief.

Without further ado this Tales exclusive transcript of the secret discussion between a Taliban leader and the president of the United States.  Now for full disclosure, the tape was rather scratchy, so one or two or a thousand words may be wrong, but we feel as confident as Dan Rather and Brian Williams that this transcript reflects the true reflection of the talks that took place. 

Note: The name of the Taliban leader will be changed, in order to protect any moderate Taliban members [well, the president and his administration say there are some moderate Taliban, so who is Tales to disagree].  

The Taliban man will be referred to as Taliman for short.

The Great Taliban Swap:

Mr. Taliman:  Good morning Mr. President, let's make a deal.

President Barack Obama:  Hey, Mr. Taliman.  Tally me bananas.   HA!   Oh, sorry, that's a little Harry Bellafonte joke--you know, reggae--Uh, never mind, yes, let's make a deal.

Mr. Taliman Hussein, we are willing to release your deserter, I mean your soldier, Bowe Bergdahl for the right price.

President Barack Obama:  Oh, oh, good.  Now uh, you know, and make sure this is off the record, that the most important goal of my administration is to close George W Bush's evil Guantanamo Bay prison, that inhumanely has kept some of our, I mean some of  your religion of peace's most ardent warriors.  So, keep that in mind when making your offer to me.

Mr. Taliman:  Why of course, Mr. President.  That is exactly what we had in mind.  Now, I know this may be tough for you, but if  you will give us the top Taliban war criminal leader, we will give you Bowe Bergdahl back.

President Barack Obama:  [clearing his throat] Now, Mr. Taliman, you may not have understood me.  Would that really be a fair trade for you, just one for one?  Plus, uh, uh, that might not be so helpful for me back home to reach my goal of closing Gitmo.

Mr. Taliman: Oh, I am now beginning to see the light.  Oh, yes, yes, Mr. Hussein Obama.  Okay, we demand that you turn over the top 3 Taliban commanders you have in your evil George W Bush's Gitmo prison.  Nothing less!

President Barack Obama:  Umm... [the president begins to lift his hand in an upward motion as if to signify, higher, higher]

Mr. Taliman
:  No, No, I didn't mean three, I demand that you, the United States of America turn over THE top 5 Taliban commander/war criminals that you have locked up illegally in Gitmo.  That's the deal, take it or leave it Hussein.

President Barack Obama:  I agree!  [as he reaches out his unclenched fist for a firm hand shake with his friend, I mean adversary.]

It should be noted:  The evil President George W Bush would have left his fist clenched.

Mr. Taliman:  Mr. President, you strike a hard bargain.

President Barack Obama:  Why thank you bro-I mean, uh, Tali.

Mr. Taliman:  You know Mr. President, while we have made the deal, I think you could give us a bonus by adding the honorable Khalid Sheikh Mohammad to the Taliban 5.

President Barack Obama:  Mr. Taliman, what kind of a president do you think I am?

Mr. Taliman:  That has been clearly established Mr. President, now we are just haggling over the price.

President Barack Obama:  Well, we have made our fair deal Mr. Taliman.  As-Salamu Alaykum.

Mr. Taliman:  And peace be upon you, my brother.

On my way to closing Bush's evil Gitmo
In honor of a new friendship born out of some excruciating tough deal making that went on, Mr. Taliman gave President Obama this CD song as his departing party favor - which could also signify what kind of Republic America is becoming.


Anonymous said...

Okeedokee, I've been outta da loop on Twitter, & see you & Mrs B & familia are overseas. God bless, stay safe, Enjoy & look 4ward to hearing Tales of your trip!
Krissy in ATX 🇺🇸

Big Mike said...

Thanks Krissy! Just got home...check out Blessings!

bradley said...

one has to wonder if this same swap would have been done for a loyal soldier as opposed to a deserter!!

Big Mike said...

We don't have to wonder big Brad. It wouldn't have taken a swap but just a phone call to our supposed friend Mexico to get our Marine held unjustly in a Mexican prison released and Obama wouldn't do that. And then when Mexico finally released him Obaa never even mentioned his name- yet had the parents in the Rose Garden for a photo op like he did for the deserter.
Thanks patriot Brad!