Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Forget About Sandra, Have Heard You Heard About Ahma?

 Tales on vacation, re-post from March 26, 2012:

I think most of you have heard about the 31 year old physically active Sandra Fluke and her heart wrenching testimony before the US Senate; but I bet you missed the testimony of Ahma Flunke. Ahma, the handsome 35 year old sophomore at St. Bonaventure gave a stirring performance before the US Senate, missed by most.

The young, but certainly not naive Ahma, appealed to the senate that St. Bonaventure include free condoms in their insurance plan. You heard me right. This private Catholic University does not provide free condoms in their insurance coverage. Democrats on the Senate committee, and every free loving Occupy Wall Streeter in America were aghast when they heard this. Oh my, talk about St. Bonaventure being behind the times.

Ahma Flunke may be a young 35 year old sophomore, but you would have thought he was a senior with his brilliant  testimony. He told the Senate committee that  if he were to continue at his same pace of activity on the St. Bonaventure campus, it could cost as much as $3000 in his college career for condoms. "That would", he choked up as he told the senators, "just about wipe out the money I earn for working in the summer".    The admiring audience in the senate chamber began to clap. Ahma turned his head and displayed a bashful, red faced smile to his admirers.

Then Ahma stunned the senators with a brilliant point.  What if he were to meet up with Sandra Fluke and what if they were to establish a relationship. He, without access to condoms on his insurance plan, and Sandra, not talking birth control pills because of her backward Catholic University's policy to not provide them to her free, could end up in a situation they would not be ready for.  This time, not just the Democrat women senators, but also the Democrat male senators began to show tears in their eyes. Who couldn't?  Maybe those evil Republicans on the senate committee.

Ahma Flunke pointed out to the senators, that this wasn't just a birth control issue, but was a real health issue to prevent an STD.  Ahma confidently said, "not giving me free condoms could cost your health insurance programs much more in the future as you will have to treat me for an STD.  Ahma said, while Sandra seems like a nice girl, you just never know. So, Ahma continued, "you can pay me now or pay me later."

Ahma's tear jerking testimony ended with this warning to Republicans: "Stay away from my penis!  Well, maybe except for Barbara in my law class."  The audience and Democrat senators and members of the main stream media all rose in unison with a standing ovation. Flunke, shook his head in a satisfied acknowledgement of appreciation for what he had accomplished.

Mr. Flunke suddenly began to appear on NBC, ABC, CBS, CNN and MSNBC on a triumphant victory tour. The right wing Fox News Channel did not join in the celebration of Flunke. No surprise there.

Then some mean radio talk show hosts began to dig into Ahma's background to find out he was no innocent poor college student. He turned out to be a wealthy political activist, certainly in no need of financial aid in the payment of condoms.  Ahma, had to go back onto those MSM outlets to reply that those talk show hosts were taking way out of proportion what he had said. Ahma told his friends in the MSM that it was never about him. He was talking about all those other college young men who might be denied condom coverage on their health insurance plans.

Can a phone call from the Oval Office be far away?  I am sure the president would tell the courageous Ahma to keep on doing what he's doing? [speaking out that is]


Anonymous said...

Seriously? LOL

Krissy in ATX

Big Mike said...

Krissy, there's nothing serious about the Tales blog... LOL :)

bradley said...

i'm sure you're aware that this is a satire, simply to make a point,a point which has legitimatly 2 sides.

Big Mike said...

and hopefully kind of funny :-))
Thanks Brad.

Anonymous said...

I had to read this to my husband too. Good post.


Big Mike said...

Thanks Ila! I hope your husband liked it too. :-)